Theory of Fear:

I am afraid of many things like falling from high distances, the ocean, and being alone which are all pretty rational fears. Except two of my fears. First, the dark. Then, myself. I'm not afraid of what I don't see in the dark but rather what I will see when I turn the lights on. Will there be a bloody fanged beast waiting for me? If it does appear is it really there if I cant feel it-or even if I can but nobody else can? What is a ghost or a demon if it only appears to one person and is it all in their head? This falls into the category of fear of myself. When I am afraid I start to hear things and see things-shadows that shouldn't be there. This is when I wonder, if my fear can cause me to see and hear things that perhaps aren't there, then can my fear manifest into touch or smells that exist in my own mind? What happens when my hallucinations start to hurt me? Who is to say whether they are actually in my mind or exist perhaps outside my mind and in the "real" world. After all, what is Schizophrenia but what a "normal" person makes of it? What if Schizophrenics have fears that are "real" but only they can see and if the pain they feel is real, why cant the illusions be real? Then again, what defines "real" and who's to say what is real or not? I am afraid that one day my fear will drive me insane. Anyways, all this talk of supernatural horrors that do or don't exist is starting to scare me. I'm starting to hear whispers again very close to my ear...it kind of.....hurts....

And then i thought:

I am awake aren't I? But why can't I move?

I felt a shadow sweep over me. The feeling of fear was consuming me and all i could do was lay still. My hands were crossed over my chest- my left hand over my right. There where indistinct voices enveloping me and progressively grew louder and closer until i could feel the pain of a whisper in my ear that was too loud-and feel the breath. I was so tired and each time that I'd almost drift to sleep the whispers would snap me back into my still self. this continued for hours and I would literally have to focus on staying asleep when i actually was successful at drifting to sleep. But of course that wouldn't last long for surely the voices couldn't let that happen. The fear i was feeling at this point had grown into annoyance when all i wanted to do was fall into a deep and long and restful sleep. A long time later of this repeated torment i could feel myself slip off of my bed and i knew something was pulling me. Once I hit the floor I found myself right back on my bed with my arms folded over my chest- my right hand over my left.